Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
