Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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