Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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