I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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