i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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