i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
