He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize