I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
