She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
