we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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