I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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