I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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