Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
