tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
