He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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