Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
