i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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