The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
