Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
