I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
