she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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