He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
