Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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