i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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