Swine flu. Run for my life!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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