i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
