i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
