OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
