I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
