He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Mom said you looked used
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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