Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
