:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
