Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
