I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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