we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
