rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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