she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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