just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.