Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.