I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.