you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
