Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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