dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen