at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
