did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
