Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
