I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
