Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
