i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
