all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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