How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
