ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
