Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
