dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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