hotel room ftw
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
