well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
