I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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