Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Randomize
