all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
