theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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