Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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