Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
