Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
