Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
