my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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