My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
