So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
