Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
