My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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