I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
