i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
