I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
