Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
