You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
