I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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