lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
