sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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