What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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