I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
