If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
