He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
foreskin is a definite game changer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
