i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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