You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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