I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I will pee on everything he values.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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