i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
