it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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