I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
