I puked a lego.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
