We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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