well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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