I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
